Honesty

These past few years have been full of changes for me. Yes, I got engaged, married, and we bought a house, but those aren't the changes I'm talking about. I'm talking about the "look at your life and see who you are and where you are going and what you are doing" kind of changes.

Oftentimes I found myself being negative, getting frustrated at little things and people (especially at work), and not finding joy in everyday things. I realized that I was not becoming the person I always thought I would be. That realization forced me to take a look at my friendships, my views on things, and how I reacted to situations. I looked at my reactions to situations and realized that I was choosing to react negatively.

At work, when people were rude I would get frustrated and make negative comments under my breath. When a checker at the store was less than friendly, I would take that and hold it with me all day. I was choosing to take their attitude and make it my own. I was not a happy person (for the most part) and found myself being more and more negative.

I evaluated the friendships I had and saw that I had a few very close friends that I had wonderful conversations, visits, and relationships with. They were (and still are) always there when I needed them and they came to me when they needed support. I also had a couple of "friendships" that were exhausting. Friendships that felt one-sided, I was there when that friend needed me (or needed someone because their other friends had abandoned them or they were fighting with their other friends), but they were not there when I needed someone. I didn't feel comfortable sharing important things with these people because I wasn't sure they would encourage, support, or even care. These "friendships" were based on one or two common things and I realized that they were wearing me down and adding to my negative emotions. Some of these "friends" made me uncomfortable being associated with them because of some of their views/opinions. I felt the need to filter out these negative friendships and when I did, it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. {not that there wasn't hurt feelings, tears shed, and awkward moments, but I feel so much better and that I can actually be me without having them weighing me down}

I chose to not let these people take my time away from those things and people that added to my happiness. I found myself with more energy, being quicker to forgive the negative people and being able to brush off rudeness. It is amazing how making a few minor (or major) changes really do make a big difference. I still find myself thinking about those people that I have cut ties with; the feelings of being taken advantage of and being around negativity are still there when I think of them. unfortunately, that is part of life and I am trying to let their words/actions/reactions go and not wonder how they are or have feelings of being in competition with them or that I am "less" than them.

I think that everyone has regrets (whether they admit it or not), but as long as we grow and adapt from those experiences, we can become better people. Learning and growing from our experiences is part of life and I am glad that I was able to take a look at myself and realize that I could change and hopefully become the person I want to be. As anything, some days are easier than others, keeping my positive outlook that is. I am enjoying my new outlook on life and can already see the difference it has made.

Are there changes you need to make in your friendships/outlook/life? Why haven't you made those changes yet? What is holding you back?