It has been hot. like really hot. like over 100 degrees everyday, with no AC and a baby that doesn't do well in the heat. We've been surviving, but the sweating, lack of sleeping (Wyatt, so that means me, and Bailey's been waking up once or twice a night too), and trying to stay cool has been difficult, not to mention I just started a bootcamp gym workout where the kids come with me which means more sweating and heat. Oh yeah..and we have head lice, we think it came from a cowboy hat that Bailey wore on the pony rides at the fair last month.
Today started out wonderfully. We attended Bailey's preschool orientation (how can we have a preschooler??) and made a partial target run before Chris had to get to work.
Wyatt started his hungry crying as we were grabbing our last items and headed towards the checkout, right after Chris left for work. A nice woman sweetly asked if there was anything she could help with, but I just had to get my items and get home to feed Wyatt.
We got home, put on some TV for Bailey as I fed Wyatt then got lunch ready. Bailey ate as I combed her hair, looking for tiny bugs, forgetting to eat my own lunch. Then Wyatt woke up, Bailey had a potty accident, she started crying, I got mad, Wyatt started crying, it was hot, etc. etc. etc.
and repeat.
I finally got everyone calmed down, gave myself permission to veg out a bit and hopped onto pinterest. I saw a pin titled "Why am I an Angry Mom?" and here is the part that spoke to me:
I am not good about asking for help, for anything. It is one of my flaws and I know it, I'm working on it (hence the mentioning about the sweet target lady). Reading the above post resonated with me because I have been doing it all:
Waking up and feeding Wyatt throughout the night, getting up early with Bailey, working out (with kids), not eating the best because I don't have time/energy to go to the store and plan ahead and cook (or the desire to cook in this heat), not having caffeine or dairy because they don't agree with Wyatt at all, getting 3 people ready everyday to go out and make decisions all day long for those 3 people.
I am exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. Reading the post above really made me stop and think tonight about what I'm giving to my kids. Giving them everything I have is good, but if I kept a bit for myself, it would be so much better! Being with them 24/7 these past 4 months has been such a blessing, but it is wearing me out. I need to ask for help, give Chris more responsibility (which I know he can and will do if I let him), and not feel guilty if I forget something or something doesn't go right. I am not superwoman.
I was given such a wonderful community of family and friends (and babysitters) to rely on and I just need to reach out and let them help. Which I am going to do, starting now, by putting myself to bed!
I hope that this gives anyone who is giving everything they have the gentle reminder that it's important to keep a bit to yourself.
** thanks for sticking with me through my silence over the summer and I really hope to get back to regular blogging soon! **
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